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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26123611">sometimes you end up lost before you're found</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentiallythiswillbegay/pseuds/potentiallythiswillbegay'>potentiallythiswillbegay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Peter x Jason Week, answer is inconclusive but it's cute i hope, i took canon and almost followed it then went 'nah lets change this', this is me figuring out how important soulmates are for 7k words</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:28:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,220</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26123611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentiallythiswillbegay/pseuds/potentiallythiswillbegay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This world, of Peter and Jason (and PeterAndJason), of Ivy, Nadia, Matt, Lucas, Tanya, Sister Chantelle, Claire, and St. Cecilia’s, is much like the one we know, differing only in the existence of soulmates: in particular, the existence of a soulmark.</p><p>(day five of peter x jason week: soulmates)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jason McConnell/Peter Simmonds</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>sometimes you end up lost before you're found</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>here's some fluff to apologise for the pure angst of my day two contribution! title is from 'sometimes' by anthony amorim, which is just a beautiful song i recommend to everyone.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This world, of Peter and Jason (and PeterAndJason), of Ivy, Nadia, Matt, Lucas, Tanya, Sister Chantelle, Claire, and St. Cecilia’s, is much like the one we know, differing only in the existence of soulmates. Soulmates may not be exactly what you believe them to be, or maybe they are; They are a person who the universe has decided is meant to be the most important person in your life, who shapes who you are, and is quite literally made for you. Platonic or romantic, their life, feelings and love are intrinsically tied into your own existence. Even within a world where their existence - in the form of a mark on your skin - cannot be denied, the true meanings of soulmates have never been completely agreed upon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe some context for their world is required.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every single person at birth has, somewhere on their person, a soulmark. A darker patch of skin, of varying size, which indicates the place where their destined soulmate would touch them. Not necessarily the first touch, but a touch nonetheless. At the moment when the soulmarks of two soulmates touch, the soulmarks burn and scar, leaving a paler but identical mark in its place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But no one said soulmates were easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theories have existed for years as to why the soulmark doesn’t always react to a soulmate pairing’s first touch, and many believe that the time when the marks do meet will always be in an important moment between the two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were stories of best friends from diapers being soulmates, growing up knowing the world told them to be in each others’ lives forever. Children holding their younger siblings for the first time, marks burning at first contact. Teenage couples taking a risk and letting themselves fall in love, and all the hurt that followed when their soulmarks remained dark against their skin. Married couples who believed they were soulmates, but spent years together waiting for their ‘right’ moment, and separating with one person keeping the dark mark against their skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some people preached the uselessness of the entire soulmate ‘system’, declaring it a hoax and choosing to live their lives without seeking the person who would have a mark matching their own. Others spend their lives refusing to fall in love, fearful that they’ll meet their soulmate and lose too much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, no one has any answers or any right way to live life in such a world. However, this story isn’t all about this world. This is a story of two particular boys, one group of friends, and the events of their senior year at St. Cecilia’s.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Peter was twelve, he dreaded the idea of soulmates. What kind of an asshole was the universe to create a system to complicate even the idea of love and connection more than it already was? Who was the universe to decide what kind of person was made for him, and who he was made for? (And did the universe care enough to not curse him with a soulmate who he could never love as he should?) He’d sit in his room, door locked with no chance for intruders, and run his fingers across the edge of the mark above his right hip, wrapping around his side, just slightly bigger than the size of his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His parents weren’t soulmates. He knew that now, seeing his father off with his actual soulmate, starting a younger family of their own, and avoiding any conversation about the topic with their extended family. Every conversation about soulmates around him growing up focused on the romantic ones, platonic connections often being dismissed as less important (as they so often are seen).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Peter was twelve, he met his soulmate for the first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, to be fair, he wouldn’t know that he had met his soulmate until almost six years later, but he first met Jason McConnell when they were both fresh-faced children moving into their shared dorm room. They shook hands under the watchful eyes of both of their parents, but a genuine and close friendship spawned almost immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A month into seventh grade, Peter had also befriended Ivy Robinson (who was friends with everyone but took time to make him laugh), Nadia McConnell (Jason’s sister who seemed mean until Lucas told a joke), Lucas Carter (with his soulmark proudly on his left cheek, even as people joked that his soulmate would slap him), Matthew Lloyd (his right palm was covered by his soulmark, even though he was left-handed), and Tanya Garrett (she was loud and made everyone laugh too).</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being somewhat of a taboo subject, the topic of soulmates wasn’t brought up within their group until the end of eighth grade, when the idea of starting the high school years after the break was enough of a reason to hang out in Tanya’s room on a Friday night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyone here met their soulmate?” Lucas asked the ceiling from his position lying down in the middle of the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, Lucas?” Nadia sounded defensive, pulling on her sleeve subconsciously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? We’ve been friends for two years now, I’m curious! Not like I can hide mine.” He defends himself, gesturing to his cheek. “You can just say no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you really just curious, man?” Jason asked, an eyebrow raised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ivy shrugged. “I’ve been curious too, it’s just not the kinda thing you really ask about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nadia glared at her, and Peter didn’t quite get the change from friendship to rivals between the two girls. “Cause it’s more important than stupid gossip.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cause it’s not always happy,” Tanya said, uncharacteristically serious, until everyone’s eyes moved to her and she lit up as she started telling some story about a family member, and the topic was dropped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>None of them had answered the question, but that was enough of an answer in and of itself.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day he returned from spring break in his freshman year was the first time Jason kissed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were best friends, and Peter was keenly aware of his attraction to the other boy, as well as what would happen to him if his sexuality was ever discovered. So he stayed quiet, simply enjoying having Jason as his best friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason kissed him an hour after his mother had left, his hands grabbing either side of Peter’s face and pulling him close as Peter’s hands landed on his chest. Peter was shocked into silence but cut off Jason’s immediate fearful expression by kissing him back, pointedly pulling back and glaring when Jason grinned at how he rose to his toes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They fell into a pattern. Peter fell in love with him easily, from bleary-eyed early mornings, secret looks across classrooms, quick movements away from the other in crowded hallways, and warm nights in a shared bed. He hoped Jason was his soulmate, but he was keenly aware of the fact that Jason’s soulmark was on his arm, and that Peter avoided letting his arm come near where his own soulmark sat on his hip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought he’d break if Jason wasn’t his soulmate, but he didn’t know if he had it in him to take that risk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they didn’t talk about it at all, until another night when their group was hanging out, this time in Ivy and Nadia’s room on a warm fall afternoon. Half the group were at least tipsy from the bottle Ivy had brought, sitting around and laughing over a stupid pick up line Lucas had tried on Tanya. Peter sat beside Nadia, noticing her soulmark for the first time as her sleeves pushed up. Her mark was startlingly similar to Jason’s, almost identical in fact, only different in its placement on her left forearm when his mark sat on his right. He opened his mouth to ask her quietly about it - what exactly he was going to say he wasn’t sure - but immediately lost all train of thought when Lucas and Tanya both let out a surprised yell, staring at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All eyes in the room turned to where the two sat, just in time to see Lucas and Tanya jump from where he had laid his head on her exposed shoulder, the soulmarks on his cheek and her shoulder flaring red. It took a second for Peter to realise what had happened, and in that time, Tanya had caressed the edge of Lucas’ burning mark and pulled him in for a kiss as his hand covered hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cheer from their group caused the two to break apart laughing, Ivy teasing them for how long it took the two to finally get together, soulmates or not, and Matt reminding them that they had class in the morning when they left the room hand in hand. Everyone left the night happy for the two, but Peter recognised the quiet brooding from Jason as they walked back to their room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucas and Tanya, huh?” Peter tested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason smiled slightly, “I guess it makes sense. I don’t know who else works for either of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter laughed lightly as well, letting his arm brush against Jason’s as they reached their room in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever think…” Peter let his words trail off as Jason closed the door behind him, leaning against his desk and facing his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason seemed to get what he didn’t say. “I don’t know. It’s a lot, Peter, and a lot to lose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter nodded, looking down. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And my parents have all these ideas for me, I can’t risk that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s nothing Peter hadn’t imagined, but he shifted where his arms were wrapped around his own stomach and nodded again. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both changed into pyjamas in relative silence, Peter turning away and hiding his hip as he did every time. Once he was changed, he fiddled with the hem of the shirt he had grabbed - one of Jason’s shirts</span>
  <em>
    <span> - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” He turned and looked up to see Jason right in front of him, hand on his cheek and blue eyes watching him. “Stop worrying. There’s been enough for tonight, come to sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter nodded once more, pushing himself up to kiss him, and letting Jason curl around his back as Peter’s soulmark seemed to beat its own heart into the mattress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d lost his heart to the blue-eyes boy wrapped around him already, his soulmark was the one part left that was untouched by his love for the other boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He told himself then, on an otherwise regular fall night, that it was the one part of himself he’d keep completely to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>One drunken night, a night at the end of junior year Peter sometimes wondered if he had dreamed, and Peter almost let himself go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’know, if we got to choose, you’d be my soulmate,” Jason mumbled drunkenly into Peter’s shoulder within the safety of their bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter stilled completely, and Jason fell asleep in the ten seconds it took for Peter to kickstart his brain again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the morning, Jason woke up first, and neither said a word about the words he had spoken. Jason didn’t know if Peter had heard, and Peter didn’t know if he even remembered the words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason never drank that much again.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Somehow, Peter survived on his plan until his senior year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not to say that there hadn’t been more discussions (and arguments) about soulmates between Jason and himself, but as far as he was aware, Jason didn’t know where Peter’s soulmark sat, only that Peter kept it hidden, and Jason seemed to respect that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled and rolled his eyes and tried to hide his glare as Jason charmed him in the hallways, using the words his boyfriend was saying to block out the reminders from his nightmare in church earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s unsure and you can change his mind. If you love him so you'll let him go. Life is choices, live by our voices!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And the words that still chilled him:</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not at a funeral, Peter.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked to where Jason was handing him back the audition script for the play, soulmark dark against his arm with his sleeves rolled up, telling him “-you know acting’s not my thing. Plus, I might go out for baseball, and I neither dance nor sing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s easy to bicker with Jason, as easy as it was all those years ago to first fall in love with him. “-it’s obvious, it’s something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t act.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we’re the best act this school has ever seen!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter thinks how they’re still acting around each other, as if a part of them hadn’t thought about the one step in their relationship they hadn’t taken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So take a bow, and I’ll-” Jason’s hands on his hips startle him, and he jumps back before Jason’s arms run against his soulmark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jason left him alone in the hallway, Peter was still stuck thinking of Jason, the role he played, and his ‘perfect’ world, and the-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>White picket fences, and a dog, a trophy bride, and children; God, I know that's what he wants.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter continued to hide his soulmark, because while he knew he couldn’t bear it if he and Jason weren’t soulmates, he knew that he’d fall apart entirely if they were, but Jason didn’t want him.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason auditioned for the play despite what he told Peter, and Peter now had to deal with the knowledge that his boyfriend was playing soulmates with one of his best friends. He sat beside Nadia in the library, both recovering from the excitement of both a Lucas drug rant and convincing Matt to join them at the rave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucas and Tanya stood to the side, talking quietly and no longer to even pretend to study, and Peter felt rather than heard Nadia sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soulmates are unbearable.” She muttered, eyes flicking to the other ignorant friends around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s kind of sweet.” Nadia glared at him. “In a tiring way. I mean, it’s Lucas and Tanya. They’re made for each other, soulmates or not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That got a short laugh out of her, as she adjusted her left sleeve subconsciously. “I used to wish as a kid that Jason was my soulmate.” She whispered, eyes steadily down on her textbook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That shocked Peter for a second, as he stuttered out a reply. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’d be easier, not having to worry about who the universe thinks is perfect if I could just have my twin brother.” Nadia shrugged, and Peter almost physically felt her shut off. “Doesn’t matter. Universe cares fuck-all about us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter doesn’t think of her words until days later, when he’s standing outside a rave after dancing scarily close to Jason, Nadia far away back in her room at school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason wrapped his arms around Peter’s waist from behind, and Peter let himself fall back into the embrace as Jason’s marked right arm rested across his stomach but far enough away from his own marked left side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s best kept secret,” Jason repeated in his ear, and Peter forced himself to turn and try and figure out Jason’s expression as they argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put his heart on the line when he said “You know we can't go on forever this way.”, and expected the hurt when Jason’s response was a similar dismissal to his usual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He threw caution to the wind, wishing for the chance for something to change, when he confessed his love and kissed Jason outside the doors to the rave, entirely ignorant of the one person standing there watching him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The universe cares fuck-all anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason told him that they were the best kept secret, and quieted Peter with closeness and a kiss when he tried to talk of their future - </span>
  <em>
    <span>You know we can't go on forever this way.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter looked for answers with Father - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Can the church be wrong? If something you feel goes against the law, what do you do? - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and found nothing but the empty promise of the universe and God knowing better than he ever could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter argued and walked away from Jason at a birthday party -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Look, you have to stop acting like this. Like what? Your </span>
  </em>
  <span>- he almost said soulmate - </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason felt a part of his heart break when his friend sat in his lap and kissed him - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don't you want me just like I want you? - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and ignored his brain when he chose to stay the night with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter poured his heart’s questions to the universe, and some modified ones to his friend - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you there? There for me. - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and lost himself to euphoria as he confessed the lighter version of his secrets into Matt’s ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter and Matt watched as Jason and Ivy walked into rehearsal together, unknowingly both having their hearts break over the thoughts of their own darkened marks remaining on their skin. Peter tried to convince himself of Jason’s love for him, but finds only empty words when he tries to talk to him after -</span>
  <em>
    <span> you're all I have, don't you get that?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason chose to let go of the one thing he knew he cared about the most, letting his fear win out -</span>
  <em>
    <span> this is always going to be a problem! - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and ignored the deep part of his mind, heart and soul that told him to hold the boy looking up at him from the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter let down his walls for the few seconds to say what would hurt them both -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Where is the boy who said I was his soulmate? - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and didn’t bother to hide his tears as Jason bit back - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not all tales have happy endings, we can't keep pretending </span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason lost himself in the false confidence of feeling like he was doing the right thing, running his hand over Ivy’s soulmark in the centre of her back - </span>
  <em>
    <span>This is now, and this is perfect, God, I know that this is right - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he told himself that he could love and be perfect with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter spent time on his own during the break to figure out who he was outside of Jason, talking to Lucas and asking to move in with him upon their return, dismissing Lucas’ assumption of he and Jason having been platonic soulmates - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Once I had a hero, I guess he couldn't stay</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peter didn’t speak to Jason until he ran into him upon returning from break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peter, are you really moving out?” Were Jason’s first words, standing in the doorway as Peter finished packing a bag of his clothes from the drawers - it had taken him a while to filter out what of Jason’s he had adopted over the last six years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” A part of his mind tempted him to explain more, to defend himself against his ex-boyfriend (ex-best friend?), but he looked back into the sealed-off expression of Jason and stayed quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are-” Jason paused to clear his throat. “Do you need help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Peter wanted to give in, as he had for years, but he remembered looking up at that face - </span>
  <em>
    <span>there’s no such thing as heroes who are queer! </span>
  </em>
  <span>- weeks ago, and shook his head. “Not from you.” He moved past Jason and didn’t turn back around to see if he had watched him walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(He had.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter smiled weakly but said nothing to the look Ivy gave him as they crossed paths in the hallway, Peter swallowing down anger and hurt at the knowledge of who exactly she was going to see.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason told himself that he would be fine without Peter, despite everything in his heart wishing for the other boy, and watched Ivy as she beamed up at him - </span>
  <em>
    <span>You are tomorrow - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and opened her heart up in every way he was scared of - </span>
  <em>
    <span>I know it's love… Please let me touch your soul. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He listened to the words she spoke, her implication that they could be soulmates as she reached for his arm, and found himself only thinking of one boy - </span>
  <em>
    <span>You have touched my soul </span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter noticed the change between the two and told himself he didn’t need a soulmate to face his fear and call his mother - </span>
  <em>
    <span>something that I've spent so long not saying - </span>
  </em>
  <span>but found himself cut off at every sentence, her insistence that he’ll meet his soulmate one day before she hung up on him.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two didn’t speak much over the following weeks, avoiding glances and deflecting questions from both concerned friends and nosy classmates, until Jason confronted Peter at a rehearsal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s living with Lucas?” It’s the first words directly to him in almost a month, and Peter startled before composing himself enough to reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason sighed and moved the slightest bit closer to Peter, enough that Peter would notice, but no one watching them. “Peter, we graduate next Sunday. Are you really never going to talk to me again?” When Peter continued to stare at Jason, the taller boy sighed and weakly brushed his fingers against Peter’s arm. “I miss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter’s startled expression at the confession was cut off by Sister Chantelle calling for places, and his eyes followed Jason all the way to the front of the stage as the Pilgrims' Hands scene began. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I profane with my unworthiest hand,” Jason began, and Peter immediately stumbled in the choreography opposite Nadia. She raised an eyebrow but said nothing, as Jason continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good pilgrim…” Diane stuttered, and Peter only hesitated a moment after her apology before he began the words he knew off by heart, trying to ignore the memories of late-night rehearsals and cuddling in the same bed that came with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,” Peter sang hesitantly, flushing as the attention of the whole cast came on him, as Diane ran back into the chorus and Nadia froze opposite him, “Which mannerly devotion shows in this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nadia seemed to recover from the shock and used their joined hands to throw him towards Jason, Peter stumbling to recover as Jason’s left arm came around to catch him upon instinct.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.” Peter finished the line as he stared at Jason, watching the other boy step back upon Zack’s laughter. Sister Chantelle was saying something to him, but Peter watched carefully as Jason stepped back into his position for the choreography, the place in front of him open and waiting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason?” Sister Chantelle’s voice snapped them back, and Peter placed his hand on top of Jason’s outstretched one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?” Peter knew that the Jason speaking the words was Romeo, but he saw the hesitation in Jason’s eyes and knew that was all for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter nodded slightly, an answer to the unspoken question. “Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Following the choreography, Jason moved his hand down to Peter’s waist, and Peter knew that Jason noticed the moment his eyes widened and he froze. “O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do, they pray, grant thou...lest...lest…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...lest faith turn to despair.” Peter finished Romeo’s line, stepping back from Jason the second he noticed where his eyes had been drawn, finding a tired Ivy standing in the doorway of the auditorium watching the two with an indiscernible expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter only stuck around long enough to listen to Rory organise a rehearsal that night before he ran out of the auditorium, not sparing a second for Nadia, Ivy, Jason, or anyone else. He reached halfway through the gardens before he realised that he had forgotten his bag, lingering by the doorway out of sight until Jason and Ivy left, walking back inside to what he assumed was an empty room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he turned back around to leave with his bag over his shoulder, he was startled by Sister Chantelle sitting in the audience seats, watching him curiously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgot this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you remembered all of Juliet’s lines.” It wasn’t a question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I helped Jason rehearse.” Is all Peter can say to defend himself, and he could tell from a simple eyebrow raise that Sister Chantelle didn’t quite believe him, even if the words he spoke were true. “I should go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stayed for another few minutes, listening to Sister Chantelle somehow read every single one of his fears without more than a few words from him. He knew, somewhere in his heart, that her words would stay in his mind for years and years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everything is just so confusing.” He breathed out shakily when she paused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes were already tearing up when she looked deep into his eyes. “Peter… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nobody </span>
  </em>
  <span>has all the answers, remember the message well. If you hide from yourself, be someone else for someone else's sake, that would be the greatest mistake.” She squeezes his hand. “Now, say goodbye. And Peter, remember that God's got your back, and so do I.” He didn’t hesitate in jumping up and hugging her, even as she let out a surprised huff, her arms coming around his shaking form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he left the auditorium, he didn’t hesitate before walking towards Jason’s room.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason sat on his bed, pen hesitating over a notepad when a knock on the door almost startled him into dragging his pen across the mostly empty page.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He assumed it was Ivy again, despite her early agreement to see him that night, and was instead completely surprised to see Peter standing there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Peter smiled the slightest bit, and Jason noticed the slight redness to his eyes, and one of his hands fidgeting with his bag. “Can we… talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Jason opened the door further, letting Peter in. He sat back where he was on his bed, Peter hesitating only slightly before sitting on the other edge of the bed to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you’d come,” Jason said first, breaking the building tense silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither,” Peter admitted as he fiddled with his cardigan sleeves. The silence returned until Peter sighed and turned his head towards Jason, speaking his response to the words that had circled his head for the entire rehearsal. “I miss you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason didn’t know what to do, or what to say, as he felt invisible electricity between the two. He didn’t want to push and lose Peter more, but he needed Peter to know how much he hadn’t expected to need him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you sleep with her?” Peter asked suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Jason answered almost instinctively, and Peter’s turn toward him distracted him from any guilt over the lie, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘why hurt him even more, when it doesn’t matter’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>? Jason reached out a hand and placed it over Peter’s, not breaking eye contact with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if in slow motion, Peter stood and walked around to Jason, standing between his legs and lifting a hand to hold his chin. Jason’s arms wrapped around Peter’s thighs as he leant up and brought their faces an inch away, letting Peter make the final move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaving the decision in Peter’s hand, after everything Jason had done to them already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter leant down and kissed Jason slowly at first, quickly growing needier as he pressed himself closer and wrapped his free hand around the back of Jason’s neck to pull himself closer still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room almost felt like it was heating up around them, and it was easy for Jason to fall into familiar patterns between the two and he slid himself back on the bed, pulling Peter down into his lap without breaking their kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled off his own shirt after Peter’s hands fumbled with half the buttons until he could get it off, and he pulled Peter’s sweater off right after. Jason could count very few moments where Peter let him see him like this, and all he could think as he pulled him even closer and wrapped his arms around his waist was that he was “-so beautiful, God, Peter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason, please-” Whatever Peter was going to say was cut off by a gasp, and Jason didn’t have a moment to question before he felt it as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A burning sensation, harsh and hot on his right arm, caused him to pull one of his arms from around Peter to watch his soulmark burn, glowing red as it paled into a scar. In the darkening light of the sunset, he could make out the vague shape of a burning soulmark on Peter’s left hip, as his eyes flickered between both of their marks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason…” Peter’s eyes moved to his as the marks stopped burning, eyes flicking across Jason’s face for any reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason only stopped to smile before he pulled Peter down into another kiss, burning as hot as their soulmarks, because “-holy shit, Peter, we’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>soulmates. </span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter laughed and buried his face in the crook of Jason’s neck, his breath sending shockwaves down Jason’s nerves. “We are! I thought- Maybe we- Or that you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Jason did, and Peter’s soft expression when he pulled back was, in the moment, worth everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later, they laid in bed together as Jason tried to keep writing his speech, Peter providing more distraction than contributions as he wrapped himself around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like the opening line,” Peter mumbled, and Jason couldn’t not smile, even if he tried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you do. Anything else you can help me write?” When he felt Peter’s head shake, Jason laughed. “Okay, well we have to get to rehearsal, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter hummed in acknowledgement but didn’t move for a few more seconds, stealing another kiss when he did sit up. “Fine. I should go back to Lucas’ room anyway first, I can meet you at the auditorium.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason grinned despite himself and kissed Peter one more time, running his fingers along the soulmark scar he had learned over the last hour and savouring the closeness of the other boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really should go,” Peter mumbled against his lips, and after a few more minutes he did, sweater back on and hair only slightly messier than it had started as.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a moment of happiness, isolated and warm, despite everything before and after.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Promise. Webster’s defines promise as a declaration that something will or will not be done.” Jason repeated, looking down at the piece of paper as he waited inside the auditorium for the cast to turn up for their rehearsal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ivy stormed in, accusations and anger flying over his absence and lack of care for her or what she had to say - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Way to go, you got me pregnant, put that in your fucking speech! </span>
  </em>
  <span>- and every single ounce of happiness in his mind immediately shattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Matt walked in - </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s already in love with a boy - </span>
  </em>
  <span>Jason forgot everything aside from trying to save himself, forgetting even the soulmark on his arm, until Ivy’s grip on his arm dropped when she saw the scar in place of where she knew there was a mark weeks ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her heartbroken face was interrupted by Peter entering, and Jason felt like the walls were closing in on him as he watched his soulmate. Peter looked once at Ivy holding Jason’s arm and his eyebrows furrowed, turning to Jason and then Matt - </span>
  <em>
    <span>What’s going on?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything fell apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt’s anger at seeing Jason’s soulmark scar only fuelled his seeming unending rage and intention to destroy the images Jason had tried so hard to build up, falsely assuming Jason’s soulmate scar matched the one on Ivy’s back - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ivy’s pregnant and your boyfriend’s the dad!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter’s eyes flickered between everyone he cared about, Ivy’s heartbreak, Jason’s despair, Matt’s anger, Nadia’s worry - </span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s what? What the fuck are you talking about, ‘my boyfriend’? - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and all the happiness from an hour earlier already seemed unattainable when Matt’s anger spun around to him as well - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t play dumb with me, Peter!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason didn’t hesitate in speaking up to get Matt to leave Peter alone -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Get the fuck outta here, Matt - </span>
  </em>
  <span>but Peter knew that they had lost the second Matt redirected his anger towards Jason again - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Just keep everyone on the same page.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The next moments happened in slow motion to Peter. He saw Ivy crying with her arms crossed across her stomach, Nadia terrified as she stood frozen, Matt angry and Jason angrier, the two getting closer and arms moving more and more -</span>
  <em>
    <span> What the fuck do you know?! - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Peter stepped forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grabbing Jason’s arm, knowing exactly that he would grab where his soulmark was, he put himself between the two and faced Jason - </span>
  <em>
    <span>He knows, Jason! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason’s eyes held nothing but confusion, and then anger and sadness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter knew, and tried to explain what he wouldn’t say out loud - </span>
  <em>
    <span>It was after Ivy’s birthday - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and shook his head when Jason’s eyes went to the soulmark on his arm - </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jason pulled back with anger, holding his arm to his chest, and Peter remembered all the questions and wishing to speak out, and the unavoidable and contagious fear within Jason, and - </span>
  <em>
    <span>You know what? I’m not.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason tried to run the scene with the eyes of the entire cast watching him, and his soulmate, sister, and supposed friends stood silent and watched him. Ivy was the first to move, running past Jason and slapping Matt as she left, the rest of the cast dispersing shortly after, Matt with an almost shocked look back at Peter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything Jason had tried so hard to keep afloat had fallen apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don't.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Peter, I don't understand what's happening, I don't know what to do, you have to help me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter knew what he would’ve said, even the day before, but something about their afternoon, and the matching soulmark scars telling them they were made for each other- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?” Peter’s voice said quietly, looking up at Jason, “What do you want from me, Jason? You heard what Matt knows, what everyone now knows. It’s not everything, but it’s enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason stuttered, and Peter held onto his hand. “It’s soulmates, it’s not always romantic, we can say- we could tell them-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s too late, Jason,” Peter said, moving to let go and walk away from him, but Jason planned differently. In a second, Jason was wrapped around Peter, and it took a moment for Peter’s arms to come back around him, but both hid their cries into the other boy’s form.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason?” Nadia’s soft voice startled them back, Jason turning quickly and wiping any tears from his cheeks. “You two… you’re soulmates, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Jason breathed out, and Nadia smiled weakly as she wiped her own tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did you find out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An hour ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Before Ivy.” Nadia concluded, and Peter tensed as everything came back to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason turned to look at Peter and found him looking down at the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you lie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason froze. “I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told me you didn’t sleep with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think it would- I didn’t want to hurt you more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you still lied,” Peter whispered, and he turned to leave without another word or look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Peter!” Jason called out and heard only the soft close of the auditorium doors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nadia tried her best to help -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Somehow we’ll get through - </span>
  </em>
  <span>but Jason squeezed her hand once and watched her leave, trying to hide her crying.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason thought for a second that things wouldn't be entirely shattered when he held Peter, but he was left standing in the loneliness of the auditorium, and -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Now you're lost above me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He dragged himself to his feet and found himself - </span>
  <em>
    <span>standing scared outside a cold church, soul search, seeking some lost answer…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He thinks that he should feel angry, over everything that Matt had said, the 'situation' with Ivy, having been left by his soulmate… but he was just lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he turned to the one place he had always found his guidance, the guidance that had inspired his darkest thoughts but that which he trusted from being a child -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Still I recall the peace that would fall when I believed you could forgive me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Even in this world of soulmates, the church is never perfect. Even in this world where the universe, or God, or another higher being, controls who are made for each other, there exists the painfully human flaw of breeding hate of what is unusual and different. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason sought answers - </span>
  <em>
    <span>It's not something I can be, it's not okay, not for me - </span>
  </em>
  <span>in a world that should have celebrated his connection with his best friend and love, instead of the answer he received - </span>
  <em>
    <span>things can change, I promise.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Am I okay?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pray for courage, pray for...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why won't you answer?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You know what I'll say.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why won't you tell me? God!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason tried to find answers, guidance or someone to hear him, and found only a door shut to him because of everything about himself he couldn't help or change. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peter once heard that soulmates could feel the other's extreme emotions, particularly in times of distress, mostly after already finding each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter had chalked it up to a load of horse shit, until he sat in his and Lucas' room that night, going over his script, and a feeling of </span>
  <em>
    <span>something bad </span>
  </em>
  <span>shot through his chest like a bullet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His immediate thought was simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>'Jason </span>
  </em>
  <span>.'</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Peter? You okay?" Lucas asked from across the room, having seen Peter's instinctive reaction to clutch his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm- yeah. I've gonna go… gotta find… someone." Peter stumbled through his words, closing the door on Lucas's concerned expression and walking through the darkened school as if he knew where to find Jason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except somehow, he did. As he rounded the corner to the church, he found Jason sitting blank-eyed on a bench outside the open doors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Jason?" Jason's head jumped up at his voice, red eyes softening at the sight of Peter. "What happened?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I talked to Father about us."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh." Peter didn't need to ask what the response had been, not when the phantom pain still sat in his chest from the answer Jason had gotten. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was silence as Peter sat down beside him, their legs separated by a few inches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know to find me here?” Jason asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter paused for a second, thinking of how to phrase it. “Have you ever heard of soulmates feeling what the other was feeling?” When Jason turned to him confused, he looked down. “I didn’t believe it either, but I knew something had happened. It felt like something hit me, but I knew it was you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason stayed quiet, but his hand fell into the spot between the two of them. “What if we escape this?” He whispered, “Peter, you and I? If we ran away, just never looking back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason,” Peter said, and the tone was enough to cause Jason to turn to him. “We can’t hide anymore.</span>
  <em>
    <span> I </span>
  </em>
  <span>can’t hide anymore- I don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But we’re soulmate-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason, stop.” Peter stood up, looking down at Jason. “Yes, we’re soulmates. But that’s not the answer, you still lied to me and hurt me. I’m allowed to be angry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Jason stayed quiet, and Peter’s brain yelled at him to walk away and let him think in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of Peter, apparently, disagreed. “I still love you.” When Jason looked up in surprise, Peter let himself smile the slightest bit. “I’m allowed to be hurt and angry while still loving you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying this just because we’re soulmates, and we’re supposed to be together forever; I’m saying this because it’s how I feel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason let out a soft sob, grabbing for Peter’s hands. “So much is happening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry.” At that, Peter knelt down so he could meet Jason’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed Jason’s hands and pulled him to his feet. “Thank you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he stood, Jason didn't let go of Peter's hands, standing with them held between their bodies, and Peter resisted the instinctive urge to step back from so many similar moments of needing to hide with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But everything had changed since then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn't know who knew about them by now, save for their friends and those students in the play, or what would face them come morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter didn't know if he'd be standing here, had he not confirmed that Jason was his soulmate. He remembered his words from months ago -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Look, in three months, we'll be out of here where it won't be a problem! - </span>
  </em>
  <span>and wondered if Jason ever thought about the future as he had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their future. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a part of his brain, despite what he had just said to Jason, that told him he had a responsibility to stay with his soulmate no matter what. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had loved Jason before he knew they were soulmates, but knowing that he was the person that the universe said was for him, that there was no one as important to him, told Peter to not leave him alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing that Jason had to feel the same, that there was no one 'better' for him than Peter, helped with that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come back with me," Jason whispered, and Peter thought for only a second before he nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don't speak again until they reach Jason's room, Jason's hand only leaving Peter's to open his door walking down corridors where anyone could be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you going to be okay?" Peter asked as he stood by the door, watching Jason sit on the edge of the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Will you stay?" Jason asked instead of a response, and Peter answered by sitting down beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter could hardly believe that it had only been a few hours since they had sat here just like this and discovered that they were soulmates, but he held onto Jason’s hands as the other boy leant his head onto Peter’s shoulder and started crying, and he stayed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's not a perfect world, this world of soulmates and soulmarks. It's still a world of hurt, of mistakes, of love and of loss. It’s still a world where the smallest change can mean all the difference, and sometimes the biggest change can mean nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theirs is a world where maybe the love between people means more, where relationships and caring doesn’t have to be so criticized and shameful, where a hurting boy gets to live on with his soulmate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theirs is a world where words of confession and pain -</span>
  <em>
    <span> I love you, and I loved you from the start - </span>
  </em>
  <span>aren’t the words of a boy making a final pledge to the boy he loves, but quiet words whispered into his soulmate’s ear in the dead of night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theirs is a world where in a few years, Peter will look at the soulmark scar on Jason’s arm, and remember only the love and happiness that they’ve felt since, acknowledging their hardships and growth, letting the pain be lost to time. He’ll look at the photos on the walls of their shared apartment, of Peter and Jason with Sister Chantelle at graduation, of their group at Lucas and Tanya’s wedding, of the McConnell twins with each of their soulmates, of Peter and Ivy on a picnic, and of moments of happiness and joy in their life since.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theirs is a world with a place for them and their love.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm on <a href="http://wlwillex.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> and i'm posting the epilogue to my baby, my<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25571281"> simon vs/bare fic</a> tomorrow!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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